Secret of the Tan on Valentines day- Have a leisurely read

Super tired and wary, i step into office at 12 30 on Valentine’s day, the first question my collegue puts to me, "hey so late on valentine’s day, (eye balls popping)!!!, Seems u had a superb valentines weekend at a lonely beach resort!! Kya baat hai!!!." Fuming from the resort i go back to my seat and start wondering "what a torrid day!, what a Loser of a guy!, what am i to do to get rid of my tan, Why my V-Days are a disaster when most of the world is super happy today???!!!!.

Flashback- 6 Hours back- 6 30 AM in the morning (Concentric Circles, bloody that’s what they used to show in old movies)

I wake up with my dreams filled with lazy afternoons after a hugely ONROAD weekend filled with fighter jets, long rides on the mad hot sun, cricket matches and smokeless hookahs!! This week is it i thought, a weeklong desired with very little work, lots of sleep, swimming lessons and no tension. Little that i realize that DJ who has come to Bangalore on a business visit, is shaking in his XXXL size undies at the other end.

His dream is straight forward, he misses his flight to Hawai at 12 20 PM- 14th Feb, spends the day looking at old aunties while he rather look at their much younger daughters at the airport and finally wins a crying competition with a bawling baby to win the last available ticket on the 11 59 AM- 14th feb (last flight to Mumbai). Curiously as he gets on to the flight, he realizes that he’s the only passenger of the flight piloted by a telegu speaking- kannada guy with a dragon head face. His worst nightmare!! After being sedated on the flight by a 24 year old, 70 looking overweight Air India stewardess, DJ wakes up at 6 31 AM at Kandahar airport surrounded by air cushions, laptops, chips and sweet fragrance of a warm bed. What?? He is at my house (6 32 AM - 14th February). phew - DJs mind speaks "that was close, I let the stewardess too close to me on my dreams!!!!”. “Negative vibes”

I had decided on this plan yesterday, leave home at 9 20, get DJ hopped on to the most reliable BIA Volvo buses which would take him to the Airport an hour ahead of time and i enjoy a peaceful day at work and have much vaunted rest. 6 35 AM still and I am peacefully soft asleep when i hear the most horrendous noise of a pig grunt, its DJ brushing his teeth. Still holding my soft pillow, i yell out- dude what u are doing so early in the morning??. DJ says- "Abey, jaldi tayyar hona hai, jaldi jaana hai airport"- he trembles as he speaks. Paying no head i doze back and slowly switch on laptop to check latest happenings of the world in Facebook still draped in my cozy blanket.

Finally i look at the clock, 7 30 AM and right next to the clock stands a forlorn looking fatso with a "i am 2 seconds away from suicide"-look. What happened i gush. Dude, I am getting “negative vibes”, i want to leave to the airport soon. Stunned!! “What? Your flight is at 12 30 and not at 9 30”. i quietly make my way to the door, pick up the news paper , milk and proceed to make a hot pipping coffee, and vola, the cook is here too. As i feel a tantalizing smell of refreshing coffee intervened only by fluffy aloo parathas, i see DJ coming out of the bath room screaming, no water dude, negative vibes i m telling you, i am gonna get screwed, whats the plan he asks? Innocently i answer, "dropping you at the BIA bus stop, it will take you to airport by 11". DJ almost shivering- "Hey drop me off at the airport na, on a bike you will slide through traffic and reach on time. Please dude, i am begging you!!", Stunned i ask, "dude, whats wrong, you awake or dreaming, the Airport is 60 kms away, i l go crazy doing 120 kms and coming back to office!!!, You have breakfast , i l get ready and drop you at the bus stop earlier, i l come back and have breakfast and then go to office", DJ says, "it’s ok, not feel like having break fast, lets leave right away".

Took out the bike and DJ got on, Already handicapped by the ton of load on the back seat, DJ further lands his huge 18th century bag on to his lap to make my bike not only the most disastrous projection from behind, but left the already paralysed engine gasping for breath. I pat the bikey and say "5 Kms mate, you will do it easy." Past the ravaged roads near my house, half the way on to the bus stop, i hear a squeaky voice from behind, to hear clearly i open the helmet half the way up to listen clearly. DJ was bawling, sitting behind me, he starts ranting, "tu mumbai aayega toh main aisa nahi karta, tu mujhe beech raaste chod ke jaa raha hai, i l be lost, the bus will breakfown, bangalore traffic will take me down, i l be kidnapped and i will never reach mumbai!!!". i slam the brakes hard and i am like. "What????", "Please please mujhe airport chod de, tu bahut ziddi hai, please mujhe airport chod de. mein tera guest hoon.". For a moment i thought its my 8 year old cousin sitting behind me and not a 25 year old over grown, double sized friend. "negative vibes".

Unable to think clearly i turn the bike around and decide, enough is enough. I dont want to be charged with child ignorance and emotional atyachaar when i knock the doors of heaven, i l drop this sly in airport!!!!!

Thus began the begining of my tan. For those who dont know, the Bangalore airport is located 45 kms north of the city and exactly 60 kms from my house. Along the journey , my first encounter is with the predecessor of the volvo (BIA) bus that DJ was supposed to travel, the driver laughs uncontrollably looking at my plight. He rants, i drive a luxury bus designed to take even the most raunchy of losers (those who dont have a car) to the airport in the least possible time and here he sees a young man on a young overburdened bike heading of to the same destination because of a negative vibe. The second encounter is with a Meru cab (numbered 6520) taking pity on the plight, promises to give company all the way to the airport. In between i hear squeals saying, "Arrey 90 KMPH pe chalega toh mereko neend aa jayega ( you go this fast, i will fall asleep), slow chala". All i do is ignore and spell out the choicest of BC, MC, BDK all directed at DJ but not carried to him by the airwaves blocked by the burning helmet with the fuming head inside. After almost a 2 hour ride, the Bangalore international airport receives its first Bike visitor from the hinterland, All of Heavens spurned to see the Godly sight of a Bike venturing into an all new terrain and as the roses pout and I have finally had enough of the ghastly sight.

12 30 PM- 14th feb. No breakfast, No appetite for lunch, I can feel my skin burning, I just can’t sit and I still wonder! "What a torrid day! What a Loser of a guy!, what am I to do to get rid of my tan, Why my V-Days are a disaster when most of the world is super happy today???!!!!